


The Birth of an Empire

by Nippolyte (HeroponRiki)



Category: Fortune Street, Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Based on a Fortune Street Game, Classical Liberal Bashing, Entrepreneurial Waluigi, Gen, Humor, The Theogony, WAH, antics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 18:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13980891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroponRiki/pseuds/Nippolyte
Summary: Waluigi inadvertently goes on an adventure and an entrepreneurial opportunity lands in his lap. This is the beginning of the journey that made Waluigi the rich, famous, funny, and sexy man that you know and love today.





	The Birth of an Empire

It was a dark, stormy night when Waluigi gained an incredible power that, despite not lasting forever, would affect his life in a way that not even cliches can describe. Waluigi was swimming along the Panama Canal, seeking refuge from “debt collectors” who were “collecting” on account of an “Easter Dave.” “Wah hah hah! That Easter Dave will never find Waluigi in the Panama Canal!” he said while doing the backstroke. Contrary to sound, logical reasoning, there was a whale on her way to an anime character voice actress audition, a desperate attempt to land a stable job after months of failing to find an internship as an accountant, likely from employers’ hesitance to hire whales, and, like any normal whale in this type of precarious, unstable financial situation, knowing that this was her last big shot before going back home to admit defeat and live with her parents, was anxiously filtering water through her whale mouth. “Waht is going on?” Waluigi asked, feeling the suction of the whale’s filter feeding. Waluigi, unable to resist the current of water, was sucked into the whale’s mouth and down her whale-sophagus, screaming “Wah wah wah wah wah!” 

Waluigi found himself sitting on a moist, squishy floor in the dark. “Oh no, I lost… my sense of direction! Wait, Easter Dave will never find Waluigi in… where is Waluigi?” A confident, booming voice answered, “Hon, you’re inside a whale’s tummy! Now hush up for a bit! I ain’t got time for this hullabaloo.” Waluigi was speechless. 

Waluigi sat expressionless for a moment; his usual long, spiky mustache was a soggy, drooping mess. “WAHt? Who said that?” Waluigi asked in disbelief. 

The whale answered sassily, “It’s like I said. You’re in a whale’s tummy, sugar.” Waluigi now understood his predicament. You see, Waluigi isn’t the brightest eggplant in the eggplant patch, so he simply needs time to think and process information. Once he has analyzed a situation, Waluigi always makes the best of it. Now, more than ever, this skill would be exemplified.

Waluigi, ever observant of his surroundings, noticed the piles of garbage and marine debris: wooden crates, trash bags, trash (minus the bags), garbage, garbage bags, bags containing garbage, flotsam and jetsam[[1](%E2%80%9C#note1%E2%80%9D)], a Trubbish and Grimer doing the dirty, multiple Sonic OCs all with the likes “beating up Dylan from school”, the entire works of Ayn Rand and Robert Nozick, and glass bottles. The whale had accumulated a landfill in her stomach. Out of sheer boredom, he walked over to the trash bags and idly poked at them with his index finger. One bag busted open, revealing multiple unopened boxes of mints in pristine condition and with virtually no imperfections. He examined them closer, but didn’t get the joke. 

Waluigi poked another bag and found a pile of poor British urchins wearing rags who all seemed as if some terrible accident had occurred between their departure and arrival for an audition for the lead role in Oliver Twist. Wide-eyed, they were transfixed at the sight of a thin man wearing overalls and a purple cap and with a characteristic rictus showing either constant, intense pain or unadulterated ecstasy. Binding fear grabbed them all, and none of them spoke. Then an emboldened one, with large, soft blue eyes and an oversized pink nose held up dirty, cupped hands and tentatively said, “Please sir, could you spare any change?” But Waluigi had no change to spare, and so he continued his trash inspection.

Another bag, upon prodding by a gloved Waluigi finger, revealed its contents: dingy glass and plastic bottles, some filled with liquids of various colors and viscosities. Waluigi’s eyes sparkled, knowing that this was a prime business opportunity. No one had cornered the market on affordable bottles for daily use. Waluigi’s oversized pink nose indicated an immensely profitable venture!

Waluigi picked up all the bottles he could carry and said, “Whale! Waluigi gonna start a business! Waluigi say you spit Waluigi out!”

The whale cheekily said, “Now you just hold up, shuga plum! You don’t just go around getting yourself into trouble and start screaming about how it’s other people’s fault! That won’t do, shuga plum.”

“Eggplant.” Waluigi sheepishly interrupted.

The whale continued, “Did you say something, shuga plum? Point is, I can crush you like the overall-wearing twig you are with just a hearty laugh! Just make sure to show me some respect, ya hear?” The whale gave a chuckle for effect, resulting in Waluigi being tossed around, along with the other contents of her stomach. Then the whale slyly said, “You do know I’m a certified accountant, right? I heard you say you were opening a business. Not to judge too much, but I can tell by just looking at you that you’re gonna have a hell of a time doing your taxes (or really doing anything that involves careful consideration.)” She giggled to herself, “I think you’d make a better salesperson!” Then she nervously mumbled to herself, “Carla, you’re really so desperate as to take a chance on that purple twig with a nose? But if he’s right, I could gain experience as an accountant, then switch companies before he goes under. Damn, is Ma right? Am I really just obstinate? Should I just swim back home, tail between my vestigial limbs?” Carla shook her head, determined to make the best of the opportunity presented to her.

Waluigi, normally not one to recognize shortcomings, gave in and said, “Ehh, come join Waluigi then! Waluigi want to make some money! Wah ha ha!”

Thus, Waluigi, through sheer entrepreneurial verve and a commitment to the Mushroom Kingdom dream, and Carla, his bold accountant, were soon to establish Waluigi’s Bottle Emporium.

**Author's Note:**

> 1According to the National Ocean Service, flotsam and jetsam are two distinct categories of marine debris. Flotsam is marine debris not deliberately thrown overboard, whereas jetsam is the debris that was intentionally thrown overboard by the ship’s crew, usually to reduce the ships’ load[a].  
>  [ [return to text](%E2%80%9C#return1%E2%80%9D) ]
> 
>  
> 
> aThe crew members likely do this if the ship is over a certain weight capacity that prevents the ship from fast rolling, resulting in what is colloquially known as the fat roll.


End file.
